A Paradox

It's been a long time.

I found out that out of everything that's wrong with me, selfishness in one that stood out. 

It's all about me, all about my problems; I've forgotten about the things that I've been blessed with and people that care about me. I'm such an asshole, and not in a good way. I mean yes, loving yourself is important, but putting yourself on a pedestal and priding self-importance is not who I want to be but what I have become. It's kind of a hiccup really. I figured that it's been like that all my life, but that's I want to change. I want to care about others, and I want to give more to the world around me. 

After all this time that I want to be understood, I have forgotten how to understand and to have sympathy and compassion for others. Well maybe because I've been so blinded by the fact that I do have people that depend and care about me, and for so long that I forgot what It's like to care about someone else. 

I've blamed almost everyone for my mental state, knowing that they have no control over it but I do. 

I am not loving myself by sabotaging myself. Neglecting my school grades just because I should put my temporary happiness forward isn't helping me in the long run. 

An irony isn't it? A post about selflessness yet, it's all about self. 

I know that I'm a person capable of change, but this one is going to be the hardest one yet. It's time I stop feeling sorry for myself, because the only person that can make change is me.