Papa

I miss my dad.

This post was written about 6 months ago when I was in Singapore, and every once in awhile, I open up this draft, reading it over and over again. Missing a loved one is a universal occurrence, and yet we end up feeling the most alone.

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My dad is a huge part of my life. 

He taught me soooo many things about life and the universe itself, he likes 2am food, laugh at each other's jokes and we share the same unhealthy, overbearing thirst for adventure.

But ever since I moved to Australia, I never really got to hang with my dad since he had to stay in Singapore to work. And I've always felt guilty spending his money on things I don't need, well, because he's all alone working his ass off with no family to come home to. (It's not a good feeling) 

In the past 2 months I have spent with him, I come to realise one thing. For however much I love my dad, he loves me infinite times more. (Trust me I can be an asshole)

This might sound crazy but, I don't think I have never shown my appreciation nor have I told him what he means to me ever. I mean I think about it constantly but I just cannot bring myself to even give him a card from the heart (not the store bought kind) It's just weird. And cheesy. I don't know, call me spoilt but I was never brought up in a family where we hug, give kisses or say 'I love you'. Not even my own mom does that. And it's hard, not being able to feel some sort of warmth or touch growing up. 

And when I do try, it's like,

papa: Oh hi.

me: Hi erm, I like you as a dad

pepe: ok ...do you need money?

I mean it happens a lot so I just stop doing it. But does not mean that I cherish my dad any lesser, in fact it's not even fathers' day nor is it his birthday, the only reason I'm writing this post is because I'm gonna be leaving in a weeks' time and I have no idea how to tell my dad that I love him a whole lot. 

So here it is.

Although you are never gonna see this, from the bottom of my heart, I don't need your money, I just want a chance to show how much I love you. Please come home.

Kathy x